ellie101's blog
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Saturday, December 31st, 2005
so many emotions at the moment.....
im pretty bored right now. ehh...thats ok......im kinda mad at mi b/f. and...if u have any advice on what 2 do on when u tell some1 u miss them, but they make up an excuse and leave b4 u get an answer outta them, please, feel free 2 comment, or message me. cause, i told him i missed him...twice. and both times...he made up an excuse and signed off(1st time) and hung up(2nd time). but, u tend 2 miss the person u love and helps 2 brighten up ur day when u have a pretty shitty week and a half away from them.i miss him so much. i wish he would tell me he even misses me...just a little...cause i dnt think he misses me at all. and i think i no y. it might b bcause im always calling him...and bcoming more of a pest...instead of a girlfriend. and...i dnt no if i wanna say im sorry...cause thats all i do...and 4 all i no...he might wanna break up...cause all i do is screw up.>gazes up at sky longingly< *sigh* mayb...it would b better if i didnt love him and we were just friends instead. then i wouldnt b such a pest. and i mean, we wouldnt hate each other...but...i like the feeling...of what love i get from him..if he still loves me that is...cause he might b sick of me...and im making a vow. im not gonna call...and im gonna try 2 stay away from him alittle. cause im always w/ him...except after school. but then i go and call. and whenever we talk, im always really depressed. that might also b another reason y he might think im a pest. i just cnt help it! on the out side, i seem happy. but on the inside, im bleeding, and torn. if there was a picture od mi heart, it would b all beaten up, and frayed, and in so many unfixable pieces. if there was a picture of mi soul, it would b brused and cut up and have deep gashes everywhere...or...there might not even b a soul left.i dunno. im inbetween death and life. im not sure which 1 i am. i would like 2 b death, end all this pain and sorrow. but, id like 2 b life as well, continue loving...but that love brings me pain.so, i dunno. id also like 2 b life cause of mi friends. but the pain is just unbearable.so much. so many tears. so many cuts. so much blood shed...so much...too much...too much.
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| Posted By ellie101 @ 10:26 PM | [Comment on this blog post] |
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