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Arken-vardika's blog
| Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
Time
To all that may be wondering, (especially Zennie), I really just don't have time for this site. That explains my absence. Sorry.
Posted By Arken-vardika @ 8:20 AM | Comments: 1 |
| Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
Worthless Worries of a Wasted Life
Here is an entry for Tuesday, May 24th in my Journal on my computer:
...I am very very lonley. Anyone and everyone that I have known sparks emotions in me that I wish that I didn't have to deal with. Emotions are strong little critters, and they take alot of strength to subdue; strength that I do not have. Fortunately, fate has interviened (sp?) and does not let these emotions overpower thought simply because they cannot. Circumstances do not allow them to. Soon after they find that there is nothing more that they can to than tear me apart, they whither away, leaving only what remains. I don't mean to be depressed. I am not trying to be depressed. I just am. Is that wrong? I am so weak. I cannot stop my own mind, and emotions from running away with me. They rip me from the place that I stand like a tornado rips through buildings, and I am a shack. I can offer little resistance....
Now don't misconstrue, I wish not to be a creature that is devoid of all emotions; I cannot even begin to imagine what that would be like, but I have so many. So many that are pointless, so many that are misused. My mind screams at them, yet they laugh and say, "you pitiful thing." I lust when I should have Love. I feel pain when I should feel Joy. I feel no solice, I have no fellowship, I have no companions, no happiness, no Love. I whine like a mule. I am wasting time. Everything that I think that I have gained has turned to dust. I am no-one and nothing. I have no intelligence, I have no wisdom. I know not who I am, and I know not how to find me. I live without direction; I blunder blindly through life with nothing firm to grasp. I have strayed from the path that life has written for me. Or have I? I know not. I know nothing. I am a fool. I have lost. The world laughs. Insignificant me....
What must I do?
I have no one but myself. No thing can bring me answers. No place can give me peace. I have no one but myself, but I don't know myself. Who am I? Where do I belong? Where is my place? Who can answer these questions? Who can answer these questions when I have no-one but myself, and I don't know mysel? Was I better off as a "spooky kid"? Look at what all this has done to me. What has it done to me? I do not know; the answer would come from myself, and I don't know myself, so how would I know if the answer is true? Who really knows themselves anyway? Who actaully wants to know themselves? Why do I want to know myself? Because "the world as I see it is merely a reflection of myself." What does that mean? Is that Existentialism? I see who I am? I see who I am. I see nothing....I see that I am confused out of my very mind, what does that say? That says that I do not know who I am? Am I confused? Does my truth, do my answers....lay right out in front of me? What do I see? What does that say? What must I do?
I began this, because I felt as thought it was right. But is there "right"? Is there "wrong"? Who said there was a right and wrong? God? No. No-one did. Must I find what I think is right? Is there no definite path destiny has written that if we stray from we go to hell. No, thats silly. Isn't it? Why can't there be a definite path? Why do I have to write my own? I can't; I am powerless. I am nothing. Dirt. I was created from dirt. Wasn't I? I am my own God? Aren't I? I say what is right and wrong. Can't I? If I make my own path, how do I know where it will lead me? I cannot see the future. Can I? I don't know. I know nothing, remember? What if I write my own path, I follow it with faith that it is right for me, and it leads me to where I don't want to be? What if when I die, God exists, and I wasn't a believer...will I go to hell? I thought the Bible says that God Loves us. Why would anyone have to go to hell? Are we all going to hell? What is hell? Who made up hell? The Bible isn't true is it? It is if I say it is, right? I say it isn't. But what if I am wrong? What can I do? Should I kill myself? What will that prove? It will prove if there is a hell or not? Won't it? Will I even know? Why am I asking all of these questions? Why do I feel so lost? Why can't I just go to bed and forget about all of this? I can, can't I? If I say that I can.
I will.
Goodnight.
-Sparta
Endtime 1:45:37 AM
Posted By Arken-vardika @ 10:15 AM | Comments: 7 |
| Friday, May 6th, 2005
The Adam and Eve Paradox
The Adam and Eve Paradox
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"Christianity is based on the need for a savior – this need was created when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and hence caused all descendents to be condemned to death. This is explained more specifically in genesis. The basis for Christianity is therefore dependent on the literal truth of the Adam and Eve story.
Adam and Eve began as entirely innocent and had no knowledge of good or evil and did not posses any ability to distinguish between good and bad. We know this because we are told in Genesis that they must not eat from the tree that gave the knowledge of good and evil. It is logical to assume that that knowledge was absent before they ate from the tree, otherwise what is the point of the tree?
Now we have the paradox – why were they punished for eating from the tree when they had no ability to know that eating from the tree was a bad thing? They would only know it was the wrong thing to do AFTER they had eaten and gained the knowledge of good and evil. A classic catch 22.
The only meaningful conclusion here is that they were tricked by God and they in all fairness cannot be held accountable for disobeying God (committing the first sin) when they had no ability to know that sinning was a bad thing.
The subsequent condemnation of all mankind by God is entirely based on an original trick he played on these innocents, and that sending a savior is an additional mockery and a sham."
..."I find it strange to condem a whole species for eternity and then save it with the gory death of your son. Alot of excessive guilt and pain applied for one poor decision."
Posted By Arken-vardika @ 8:16 AM | Comments: 0 |
| Monday, May 2nd, 2005
Excerpt From "Faust"
I've studied now Philosophy
And Jurisprudence, Medicine,
And even, alas! Theology
All through and through with ardour keen!
Here now I stand, poor fool, and see
I'm just as wise as formerly.
Am called a Master, even Doctor too,
And now I've nearly ten years through
Pulled my students by their noses to and fro
And up and down, across, about,
And see there's nothing we can know!
That all but burns my heart right out.
True, I am more clever than all the vain creatures,
The Doctors and Masters, Writers and Preachers;
No doubts plague me, nor scruples as well.
I'm not afraid of devil or hell.
To offset that, all joy is rent from me.
I do not imagine I know aught that's right;
I do not imagine I could teach what might
Convert and improve humanity.
Nor have I gold or things of worth,
Or honours, splendours of the earth.
Posted By Arken-vardika @ 2:43 PM | Comments: 0 |
| Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
Who is this...?
Posted By Arken-vardika @ 10:28 AM | Comments: 2 |
| Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
Trapped Within
TRAPPED WITHIN:
I hear the Thunder,
I feel the Rain;
A godly blunder,
An eternity of pain.
The Thunder rolls on,
The Game has begun,
I am but a pawn,
And Darkness has won.
The Rain still falls,
Wash away my sin?
Humanity's walls,
Have trapped me within.
When shall the Storm end?
When shall I be free?
When death for me send;
No more can I see...
Passion of thee, can you not feel my strife;
To, know, to see; existance, not Life?
For the might path of the infinite knows not her way,
And bound within I am, and within I shall stay.
-Savier the DeathSayer, Lord of DeusExveronz
Posted By Arken-vardika @ 10:22 AM | Comments: 2 |
| Monday, April 4th, 2005
The Great Hall
People are all just continuing their pitiful little egotistical lives, not giving a damn who, or what they step on along the way.
It is like walking down a hall.
At the end of the hall, where things are most prominently displayed, there are common imperminant things such as: pleasure, riches, fame, belonging, and vanity. Now, most see the asthetics of these items as very great, so they pay no heed to the doors that lie on the side of this Great Hall.
But in these side doors lie the greatest riches, the most lasting pleasures, things better than fame, and things more beautiful than beauty itself;
Things like Dignity, Faith, Love, Intelligenc, Wisdom, as well as all Virtue; then comes blessings of talents, gifts, mindfulness.
No one is willing to make any kind of sacrifices anymore for the most meaningfull things. Most things that have a deeper meaning require sacrifice to acquire. Humans find disgust at this-if anything makes life even remotely difficult, we take the opposite path. We should learn:
It is often that we find, if we are to search, the the things, people, or experiences in life we regard the mediocre, (Varies with the individual) can often be the greatest things that we can have, the greatest people that we could ever come to know, the best things that we could ever experience. It is often that we find, if we are to search, that the greatest wrongs are the biggest rights, and the greatest rights, are the worst that we can do. All of this has one thing in common: "...if we are to search..."
No one searches anymore....
The downfall of Humanity?
Perhaps so.
The downfall of Teens?
Definitely.
Posted By Arken-vardika @ 8:18 AM | Comments: 0 |
| Friday, April 1st, 2005
Excerpt from Bram Stoker's Dracula
There are always mysteries in life. Why was it that Methuselah lived nine hundred years, and `Old Parr'one hundred and sixty-nine, and yet that poor Lucy, with four men's blood in her poor veins, could not live even one day? For, had she live one more day, we could save her. Do you know all the mystery of life and death? Do you know the altogether of comparative anatomy and can say wherefore the qualities of brutes are in some men, and not in others? Can you tell me why, when other spiders die small and soon, that one great spider lived for centuries in the tower of the old Spanish church and grew and grew, till, on descending, he could drink the oil of all the church lamps? Can you tell me why in the Pampas, ay and elsewhere,there are bats that come out at night and open the veins of cattle and horses and suck dry their veins, how in some islands of the Western seas there are bats which hang on the trees all day, and those who have seen describe as like giant nuts or pods, and that when the sailors sleep on the deck, because that it is hot, flit down on them and then, and then in the morning are found dead men, white as even Miss Lucy was?"
"Good God, Professor!" I said, starting up. "Do you mean to tell me that Lucy was bitten by such a bat, and that such a thing is here in London in the nineteenth century?"
He waved his hand for silence, and went on,"Can you tell me why the tortoise lives more long than generations of men, why the elephant goes on and on till he have sees dynasties, and why the parrot never die only of bite of cat of dog or other complaint? Can you tell me why men believe in all ages and places that there are men and women who cannot die? We all know, because science has vouched for the fact,that there have been toads shut up in rocks for thousands of years, shut in one so small hole that only hold him since the youth of the world. Can you tell me how the Indian fakir can make himself to die and have been buried, and his grave sealed and corn sowed on it, and the corn reaped and be cut and sown and reaped and cut again, and then men come and take away the unbroken seal and that there lie the Indian fakir, not dead, but that rise up and walk amongst them as before?"
Here I interrupted him. I was getting bewildered. He so crowded on my mind his list of nature's eccentricities and possible impossibilities that my imagination was getting fired. I had a dim idea that he was teaching me some lesson, as long ago he used to do in his study at Amsterdam. But he used them to tell me the thing, so that I could have the object of thought in mind all the time. But now I was without his help, yet I wanted to follow him, so I said,
"Professor, let me be your pet student again. Tell me the thesis, so that I may apply your knowledge as you go on. At present I am going in my mind from point to point as a madman, and not a sane one, follows an idea. I feel like a novice lumbering through a bog in a midst, jumping from one tussock to another in the mere blind effort to move on without knowing where I am going."
"That is a good image," he said. "Well, I shall tell you. My thesis is this, I want you to believe."
"To believe what?"
"To believe in things that you cannot.Let me illustrate. I heard once of an American who so defined faith, `that faculty which enables us to believe things which we know to be untrue.' For one, I follow that man. He meant that we shall have an open mind,and not let a little bit of truth check the rush of the big truth,like a small rock does a railway truck. We get the small truth first. Good! We keep him, and we value him, but all the same we must not let him think himself all the truth in the universe."
"Then you want me not to let some previous conviction inure the receptivity of my mind with regard to some strange matter. Do I read your lesson aright?"
"Ah, you are my favorite pupil still. It is worth to teach you. Now that you are willing to understand, you have taken the first step to understand. You think then that those so small holes in the children's throats were made by the same that made the holes in Miss Lucy?"
"I suppose so."
He stood up and said solemnly, "Then you are wrong. Oh, would it were so! But alas! No. It is worse, far, far worse."
"In God's name, Professor Van Helsing, what do you mean?" I cried.
He threw himself with a despairing gesture into a chair, and placed his elbows on the table, covering his face with his hands as he spoke.
"They were made by Miss Lucy!"
Posted By Arken-vardika @ 2:37 PM | Comments: 0 |
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