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Monday, February 20th, 2006 Impact kid:epilogue to the dialogue to the two man monologue. impact maker #1: so umm, do you want to save the universe? joe impact: hmm....well whats in it for me? impact maker #5: well fame, huge cult following, money probably. probably a cool nickname, superhero type name thing. joe impact: so joe impact would become what? impact maker #3: how about the impact? joe impact: the impact? thats stupid. how the fuck could anyone save the universe with that name?! impact maker #2: now listen here man we are giving you the knowledge and ability to become the legend of legends, the hero of heros, and i don't appreciate the... impact maker number #4: na, he has a point. the impact is fucking stupid. i mean we can do better than that. impact makers huddle five minutes later impact maker # 1: alright we got it. how about the impact kid? joe impact: hmm.....can you guys print it up on some jackets? impact makers: oh yeah sure, totally i mean we have a shirt maker right in the back. impact kid: so do you guys have a name for yourself? impact makers look at each other impact maker # 3: the impact....coughs makers.. impact makers: yeah, thats what we're called. yep. impact kid: alright, so what do i do now? impact maker #1: well we have a ship...... end scene Posted By rhcpfan @ 10:52 AM \| Comments: 0

Monday, February 20th, 2006 the impact kid "the clerm arises"-the impact kid-"Clerm the musical!" nick parasite: what do you mean they are all dead?!? mark parasite: umm....i mean that.... nick parasite: i know what you mean! i want to know how the fuck its possible for six of my best men to be killed by one washed up war "hero" and his fucking young and eager prodige! mark parasite: well i couldn't tell much from what i saw, but no man could have done that alone. i mean the body, the limbs....the amount of impact that they were hit with and broken with. its just undescribable, so i'm not even going to attempt to. nick parasite: well you better find him. cause if you don't what you saw in that scumbucket will be nothing compared to what i do with you! mark parasite: yes brothe........yes sir. nick parasite: now where is spitfire? did he get her too? mark parasite: i think he took he took her alive sir. no sign of her or henry. nick parasite: damnit! first my leg and now this....fucker must have it out for me. well mark, go down to the agency and tell them as of this moment whoever brings him to me alive shall be given any price they want. mark parasite: i think you will get more help if you give an actual..... nick parasite: any! price! they! want!!! mark parasite: bows and leaves nick parasite: now all i have to do is smooth things over with cle.... the clerm: parasite! nick parasite: yes sir! the clerm: where is he?! nick parasite: i sent my best men on him sir, but he appears to have some help with him. i mean the bodys were just so.... the clerm: enough! i do not want excuses. i want that ship and i want that man both in good enough shape to get some use out of. i'll give you two weeks. then i'll send b.p. in...... nick parasite: not b.p.! not him. i'll get him, and i have the ship already. when we have him i'll let you know..... the clerm: no you won't. i'll contact you. he can not know of me until i am ready for him to know. he is the only one that can stop me. for in time the universe shall be mine. no one and nothing shall be able to handle when the clerm arises! Posted By rhcpfan @ 10:50 AM \| Comments: 0

Monday, January 23rd, 2006 "wow, i'm speechless" -the impact kid on ice in the impact ship billy spunk: wow sir, that was just amazing. i mean.... impact kid: calm down billy, it wasn't that impressive. henry louder: WOW, I'M SPEECHLESS! impact kid: if only..... spitfire: you really knew how to handle yourself back there.... impact kid: thanks, so did you. that was quite an amazing display of flexibility you showed.... spitfire: and quite an impressive display of raw power you showed.... billy spunk: i mean its just, i don't think a person can even dream of witnessing something as amazing as that was sir. i mean a person would be lucky to even read a fight like that one. i mean it was quite possibly the most intense and just truly amazing thing i have ever witnessed or even dreamed of witnessing. impact kid: alright billy we get it. calm down. at least you got to witness something that amazing and not have it just talked about without no one ever really mentioning what happened. spitefire: well, shall we talk about how we are going to get your ship out? impact kid: right. well what do we need? spitfire: well we're probably gonna need a lot of explosives, and i could use someone that can fight like yourself with me, so maybe a pilot as well. to pilot the ship while you are helping me. herny louder: I CAN FIGHT TENS TIME BETTER THAN THIS GUY! impact kid: alright, if he tries to talk again i'm ripping out his throat. spitfire: henry can you let both of us talk alone please? herny louder: nods and leaves room impact kid: alright well i know two guys that are the best in explosives and piloting. spitfire: you wouldn't happen to know where they are, and they wouldn't happen to owe you any favors? impact kid: they opened up a bed and breakfast about 12 hours west of here, and you are looking at the man that introduced them to the love of their lives. spitfire: you think their wives will let them come with us? impact kid: wives? spitfire: well you said love of their lives i assumed you meant they were married to these women.... impact kid: women? spitfire: well you said love of their lives..... impact: yeah, i meant i introduced them to each other.... end scene Posted By rhcpfan @ 2:17 PM \| Comments: 0

Monday, January 23rd, 2006 "i doubt the scumbucket has a karoke machine sir"-"the impact kid" comics #345 impact kid: alright the tracker says the ship is in there. billy spunk: the scumbucket? impact kid: yeah, i've been here a few times. before we go in there don't stare for more than two seconds, don't whistle, and don't i repeat don't bring up the smell. billy spunk: sure thing sir.... impact kid: alright lets go in opens doors impact kid: looks at wrist, alright you see that woman overthere billy, the signal is coming from there. billy spunk: how is that possible? impact kid: apparently someone never told you trackers can be uninstalled..... billy spunk: right, sorry. impact kid: bartender! give me your stiffest drink and some apple juice for my little friend here. bartender: we have squid juice..... impact kid: thats fine, same difference. billy spunk: thanks..... impact kid: bartender who's that woman overthere? bartender: they call her spitfire and its best you not mess with her. impact kid: thanks, heres fifty bucks you never talked to us. bartender: sure thing. impact kid: alright looks like we are gonna have to do something i don't really like to do. cracks knuckles billy spunk: umm.....sir i'm not much of a figther... impact kid: can you work a karoke machine? billy spunk: yeah but what does that have.... impact kid: you yourself said you can't fight and i'm good at three things, and two of those will leave me in too much pain to do anything else for a few hours so i'm left with singing. billy spunk: i doubt the scumbucket has a karoke machine sir.... impact kid: every bar has one in these parts, now go to that little stage, find it and play whispers in ear billy spunk: yes sir. impact kid: girl, you'll be a woman... soon i love you so much, can't count all the ways i've died for you girl and all they can say is "he's not your kind" they never get tired of putting me down and I'll never know when I come around what I'm gonna find don't let them make up your mind. don't you know... girl, you'll be a woman soon, please, come take my hand girl, you'll be a woman soon, soon, you'll need a man ive been misunderstood for all of my life but what they're saying girl it cuts like a knife "the boy's no good" well I've finally found what I'm a looking for but if they get their chance they'll end it for sure surely would baby I've done all I could now it's up to you... girl, you'll be a woman soon, please, come take my hand girl, you'll be a woman soon, soon, you'll need a man girl, you'll be a woman soon, please, come take my hand girl, you'll be a woman soon, soon but soon, you'll need a man..... drops mic spitfire: motions him over impact kid: hello, madam kisses hand. spitfire: hello, they call me spitfire and you must be the famous joe... billy spunk: impact kid gives her a business card impact kid: raises eyebrow at billy billy spunk: we have a card maker too sir. impact kid: right....well spitfire, we've come to talk business as i'm sure you know. spitfire: yes, of course. i'll help you get your ship back. you didn't think it was here did you? impact kid: of course not......so you help us and in return.... spitfire: take me and my associate.... henry louder: I DON'T LIKE YOU!! impact kid: any reason he yelled at me? spitfire: he loss his hearing in the war, a sonic grenade went off too close for comfort. spitfire: touches henry on the shoulder and mouthes.... please stop shouting we don't want to draw any attention to ourselves. spitfire: he knows how to read lips.... impact kid: of course he does....well listen big fella just cause you went deaf doesn't mean you need to make the rest of us deaf..... henry louder: grr.....takes a swing impact kid: ducks, catches arms and spins it. pushes down on the elbow with his free hand, spins back around and pulls the arm. breaking it and fixing it in under five seconds billy spunk: did you know how to do that already sir, or is it the impact makers.... impact kid: a little of both actually billy. anyways take you and your associate.... spitfire: with you until we figure out what to do next. all i know is we can't work for nick parasite anymore.... impact kid: parasite? i don't blame you.... spitfire: you've met him? impact kid: who do you think cut off his leg? spitfire: impressive.....know what else is impressive? impact kid: the four guys in back of you with guns and the four guys in back of me with guns? end scene Posted By rhcpfan @ 2:16 PM \| Comments: 0

Monday, January 23rd, 2006 how the fuck could you hire a blind watchman?-impact kid season 25 episode 25,00 billy spunk: hello sir, its quite an honor to meet you. you have no idea how long i've been following your career. impact kid: i had no idea i even had one, how long till we get to this ship? billy spunk: are you kidding me. you were the best commander the universe has ever seen, a shame your brother.... impact kid: when are we going to get to the ship?! billy spunk: ...yeah, right this way sir. door opens billy spunk: (jaw open) impact kid: wow.......thats a whole lot of nothing.... billy spunk: eagle eye charlie, what happened to the ship?! eagle eye charlie: what? billy spunk: the ship?! impact kid: maybe you should take his headphones off.... billy spunk: (removes the headphones) what happened to the ship? eagle eye charlie: well someone finally turned it off is what happened. billy spunk: the ship is gone eagle eye, its not there. eagle eye charlie: of course its there, i didn't see it leave once. impact kid: thats because you can't see anything. (billy spunk and eagle eye turn around to the impact kid) impact kid: isn't that right eagle eye? eagle eye charlie: please don't fire me. billy spunk: how is it possible you've been working here for 43 years without anyone knowing?! eagle eye charlie: its an easy job, up until this point all i had to do was sleep, eat, and every so often look at the general direction where the noise of the ship was coming from. impact kid: well what do we do now? eagle eye charlie: not fire me? impact kid: well i don't see how you can keep your job. i mean it says it in the title, watchman. how can you do that, if you don't even realize when the ship is gone. billy spunk: don't worry eagle eye charlie, we never even payed you anyways. just let you live here. eagle eye charlie: oh thank goodness. impact kid: are we going to do something already?! billy spunk: yes sir, we put a tracker on the ship in case something like this ever happened.. we can use the back up to take us to it. (points to the back up ship) impact kid: seriously? billy spunk: yeah. impact kid: there is a reason they only made twenty space trailers you know? billy spunk: any time you're ready sir. impact kid: how the fuck could you hire a blind watchman?! (goes in ship) end scene Posted By rhcpfan @ 2:13 PM \| Comments: 0